Sliders: Your Ad Here (1 of 8)

by Nigel G. Mitchell

This document can be freely distributed with the condition that it is not modified or sold in any way. Some characters and elements of this story are the property of Universal and St. Clare Entertainment, used without authorization. The author receives no compensation from the distribution of this work.

"Advertising is the foot on the accelerator, the hand on the throttle, the spur on the flank that keeps our economy surging forward."

-Robert W. Sarnoff

"The product that will not sell without advertising will not sell profitably with advertising."

-Albert Lasker

Quinn watched a chicken run across the straw-laden floor of the Dominion Hotel. It darted expertly among the people in the lobby, finally running behind the front desk.

Quinn looked back at the clerk, Gomez Calhoun, who was muttering to himself as he worked a calculator.

"Okay," he said, "that's a four-bedroom for six days and five nights, plus room service...that'll be three chickens, fifteen apples, and a new hammer."

"Got it." Quinn turned to Wade, who was holding the handles of a wheelbarrow loaded with goods and produce.

He fished through it, picking out the apples to stack on the front desk. The chickens fluttered in his arms, trying to free their bound legs as he added them to the pile. When he was done, Quinn dug out a bent screwdriver.

He held it up to Calhoun with an apologetic shrug. "This is the best we can do on the hammer."

Calhoun took the screwdriver and examined it cautiously. Then he nodded. "Well...okay. If you'll throw in that coffee mug."

"Done."

Quinn took the "I Love San Fran" mug out of the wheelbarrow and handed it to Calhoun. When he had finished writing up the receipt, Quinn took it and replaced Wade at the handles of the wheelbarrow. They left the hotel with the wheels squealing as he pushed the wheelbarrow ahead him.

They walked out onto the street. Quinn watched the other people wandering the sidewalk, all pushing wheelbarrows ahead of them, filled with junk. He couldn't help grinning. In a world that had never developed the concept of money, wallets were out of the question.

Wade had her hands shoved in her pants pockets as she looked down at the wheelbarrow. "So what'll we do with that stuff?"

Quinn wheeled it over to rest against the wall of the Dominion Hotel and backed away from it. "Just leave it for some lucky guy, I guess."

Arturo and Rembrandt were sitting on a park bench beside the statue of Abraham Lincoln. They stood up when Quinn and Wade approached, crossing the grassy lawn to reach them.

"Well," Arturo said, "besides the relative inconvenience of the barter system here, I would say this has been quite a relaxing visit."

"Yeah," Quinn said. "Let's hope the next one's this calm. How long do we have?"

Arturo pulled the timer out of his coat pocket to read the display. "Seven seconds. You made it just in time, my friends. If you'll do the honors..."

Quinn swept his arm at a nearby railing that stood between them and San Francisco Bay. "Go for it, professor."

Arturo aimed the timer at the railing and pressed a button on the timer's controls. It gave off a beep, then a lance of transparent energy. The beam seemed to warp the railing, causing it to expand into a large, glowing hole in the air. Its sides flowed inwards, towards the brilliant light at the portal's center.

Quinn watched as Rembrandt and Wade dove into the wormhole, then followed. In an instant, he was sailing through the multicolored world of hyperspace.

* * *

Since they had slid out of Golden Gate Park in their last world, Quinn expected to land on the soft grass of another park in their new world. It was one of the reasons they chose the park to slide from, since it often ensured a soft landing.

But he was wrong this time, because Quinn landed hard on a concrete pavement. He skidded for a moment, carried by the momentum of the wormhole, coming to rest on his chest. Quinn groaned as he sat up.

He was on a sidewalk beside a huge intersection where cars and pedestrians mingled among a large collection of shops and restaurants. The sound of conversation, honking cars, and music was incredible, like a wall hitting his ears. It reminded him of Times Square in New York, especially because of an enormous TV screen that

overlooked the square. It was showing a commercial for Mountain Dew, its cheerful rock theme echoing throughout the city.

The screen was surrounded by more advertisements in the form of billboards on other buildings. This reinforced his impression of Times Square, although they were unusual ads. One was for Camel cigarettes, showing a cartoon camel cheerfully offering a pack of cigarettes to a group of schoolchildren. The children wore big smiles as they took one each. The slogan beneath it read "Joe Camel Says: All The Cool Kids Smoke Camel Cigarettes."

But then Quinn realized that some of the advertisements weren't on billboards. They were actually painted onto the buildings themselves. A large skyscraper had an enormous Coca-Coca bottle painted onto all its sides.

And there was a blimp in the clouds above, flashing a dotted advertisement for Nikon Cameras. Actually, there were three blimps. They moved slowly over the city, broadcasting their jingle at high volume.

Quinn followed the buildings with his eyes down to the street. He watched a young man wearing a Calvin Klein T-shirt walk by. He was also wearing a Calvin Klein hat and Calvin Klein jeans.

Then Quinn noticed an older woman wearing a dress with "Lifetime Television" printed on it. And another woman wearing a set of ESPN sweats was pushing a baby carriage. The carriage itself had "Gerber Baby Foods" printed on the sides with the baby-logo on the front.

Quinn got up to look into the carriage. The baby gurgling inside was wearing Gerber baby clothes with a diaper that bore the legend "Huggies."

Quinn looked around him and realized that everyone was wearing clothes that had some form of product advertised on them. And then he noticed the cars. A blue Geo Prism was driving by. He could tell it was a Geo Prism because it had the words "GEO PRISM" running all over it in bold metallic lettering. Every car on the road broadcast

its maker and model in the most blatant terms.

"Good heavens." Arturo was behind Quinn, fresh from the wormhole. He was standing beside Wade and Rembrandt. All of them were looking around themselves with awe. Quinn guessed he probably looked the same way.

"Everything," Wade whispered. "Everything has ads on it."

"Yes," Arturo said. "And if the rest of this city is like this...indeed, if the rest of the world is like this, then I'd say we've slid into a very unusual reality, indeed."

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